toshimi

These days it seems I'm constantly expected to serve in a mentorship position when really, I'm the one that's starving for a mentor.

I don't know what I want, really. I say I want a mentor, which I think is the shortest way to roll up the kind of relationship I need, but in the end I need someone who's going to hold me to higher expectations than I could ever dream of holding myself to. Someone who pushes me because they know I can do it. Someone who will stand back and watch me try things for the first time, things that they're an old hand at, and who will give me praise and constructive criticism when it's over. Someone who will tell me what I need to hear, who will kick my ass when I don't listen--

someone I'm not afraid of.

someone I can trust, and that's not any of the older adults in my life right now. I have to be all of this for everyone near my age group in my life right now, I have to be the bigger person and be strong for them because they're struggling, and I realize that this is completely whiny and pathetic but I just wish there was someone who could do that for me. It's so damn tiring having to be strong for everyone all the time.